I’ve had a lot of questions lately about working from home with your spouse, so this is something that I have been doing for quite a long time now, and I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy. We had a huge struggle in the beginning and we still continue to have struggles at times. So I’m going to preface this by saying I am grateful and I am just truly blessed that we have this opportunity to both be at home with our child.

So that’s where I want to start. But going from being married to someone, to being married to someone and working from home with them is completely different. And then you add in the whole, you know, covid quarantine. So you’re literally stuck together all the time. And that is bound to raise a lot of issues. Our biggest struggle with both working from home has been communication. So communication has always been a struggle for me. And we have had a lot of struggles with communication in our relationship.

But the whole work from home thing together brought on a whole bunch of new issues. So in the beginning we had a lot of conflicts because one or both of us were not communicating well and we got into some pretty heated moments because we were both just exhausted, you know, stressed, anxious about all the things going on in our lives. First of all, we moved to the most remote, you know, place in the world and covid hit and, you know, all hell broke loose.
And we were just really out of our comfort zone and it was just a lot. So we have had the same issues, if it wasn’t for covid, probably honestly, but maybe not to the magnitude that we did in the past. And even now that we have a little more freedom, I am the one that will bounce out and take some time away. But during the heat of lockdown, that was not possible and being stuck in a tiny little condo and not knowing anybody else on the whole island, I really didn’t have anywhere I could go.

I couldn’t go to a coworking space. I couldn’t go to a coffee shop and use their Wi-Fi to work. Those just weren’t options. So I felt very isolated and trapped and frustrated. So what I want to say is if you decide to work from home with your spouse, whether you’re working together in an online business or just coworking in the same space, make it a point to open up the communication before you start or wherever you’re at right now.

Just start the communication and have grace, because this is all new to all of us and it’s not something that we’ve been prepared for. So keep the communication open and train each other how to work with you. You know, I think we’ve all been in situations where we have been told by someone else, whether it’s a family member, a friend, some sort of mentor, whatever, how to deal with being married, how to handle having a husband and living together and then having kids and how everything changes.

But no one taught us how to work with our spouse in the same house, and it definitely can bring a lot of issues. So for us, once we trained each other how to deal with one another in a professional aspect, it really has helped so that we still have moments. We definitely have bad moments. But for the most part, my husband knows that if he’s over there spouting cusswords and getting mad at his computer. Me, as an empath, that triggers me and upsets me, and distracts me.

He also now knows that if he starts just talking, I’m not listening. So he used to say all this stuff and then be pissed that I didn’t hear him. Well, I’m focused. I have to tune out everything else and focus so I can get work done, especially since I don’t have my own space, I don’t even have an office now. So at our old house, I had an office and I could lock the door and have my space if my husband was home to watch our kid.

But now that’s not an option. So we’re all in one space and I have to tune out all of the other noises. I have to really focus. And that was probably the biggest issue we had, is he would just get mad and is expecting me to be listening and expect me to just stop whatever I was doing and listen to him and help him. Of course I want to help him. I always will. But there has to be a time and place.
And I had to teach him my boundaries and also let him know, is it something that is urgent that you need me to help you with right this second, or can it wait until I’m done doing what I’m doing?

Because I think everyone knows when you are focused on something and you get stopped constantly, you have to start all over with a lot of things. You have to get back. It takes a lot of time to get back into that place.

So when we are working well together and I use the Pomodoro method to set a timer to complete different tasks, then he at least knows when he hears that timer, I’m going to be wrapping up whatever I’m doing at that time and taking a short break. So that’s a time where he can ask me, hey, I’m having an issue with X, Y, Z, can you help me instead of interrupting me in the middle of what I’m doing or just spouting out a bunch of cuss words being really loud, especially when I’m trying to record something and he starts yelling and cussing and talking over me so I can’t use that recording.

Those things really, really piss me off. And it took us longer than it should have to really figure these things out about each other. But now that we have it’s working out so much better. So if you are thinking about working with your spouse or if you are already are and you’re struggling, just know that you can get through it, just like you would get through something with a co-worker, you know, a regular job. You can get through it.

You just need the right communication and just talk about it. Just have a conversation. Yeah, it sucks. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s going to be worse if your marriage is destroyed because neither of you will talk about it and then you end up just resenting each other and hating each other. So pick your discomfort, right? Like, do you want to have an awkward conversation with your spouse or do you want to end up hating each other and getting divorced?

I know that sounds extreme, but it’s the same thing as if you were working in an office somewhere. You can either have a hard conversation or you can just get frustrated and quit. So I wouldn’t say to avoid working with your spouse, but to be very intentional about how you approach it and your communication. Have a weekly team meeting just like you do in a regular job. How are you do with your virtual clients or whatever works best if you know, if it works, have a five-minute little jam in the morning and so you can talk about your schedules, what calls you have and when, who’s going to make the kids lunch, who’s going to start prepping dinner and what time do you need to be really quiet?

If someone needs to run to the grocery store that day, you know, whatever, you can absolutely make it work. I have faith that this is something we can make work, and I really see the world going in this direction. So if you’re not already a work from home master, now’s the time to start implementing these different tactics and setting boundaries and setting intentions. So I hope this is helpful and gives you a little insight to what it’s like to work from home.

And, you know, it’s just like anything else, it’s going to have messy moments, but you can absolutely get through it. And if something’s not working, talk about it and make changes.